I Must Not Do This At Hogwarts AGAIN
by Professor of Gallifrey
Summary: This is a series of one shots based upon a funny Harry Potter list on my profile. Just for fun. One chapter for every line in the list. More funny lines and scenes are appreciated so go ahead and either review them or PM me! No scheduled update date as of yet, just when I have time. There will be a lot of OOC characters! Rated T cause of what MAY (or may not) happen in the future!
1. We're off to see the wizard!

I Must Not

**Summary: This is a series of one shots based upon a funny Harry Potter list on my profile. Just for fun. One chapter for every line in the list. More funny lines and scenes are appreciated so go ahead and either review them or PM me! No scheduled update date as of yet, just when I have time. Review please!**

**Professor: I own nothing and just so you know, to make this funny, most characters (especially Hermione) will probably be OOC ((Out Of Character)) Also, the events will not always follow the books, just to make everything work out in the chapter/story and it will have random time periods. One chapter in the first book, the next in the seventh, the next in the fourth, so just go with it. **

Chapter One: I will NOT sing "We're off to see the wizard" when being sent to the Headmaster's office…

Book: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"Say it again Harry." Hermione said, pacing in the library. The only one there besides her, Ron, and Harry was Neville but he was catching up on homework so he wasn't bothering them.

"_Come seek us where our voices sound."_ He said, half asleep.

"The Black Lake. Obvious." She muttered.

"_We cannot sing above the ground." _He got more and more tired as the night wore on.

"Again obvious." She said.

This woke Harry up, "OBVIOUS? Since when have you had to hold your breath for an hour Hermione?!"

"Oi, mate. Lay off she's just trying to help." Ron jumped in.

Harry was about to respond when a new voice cut it, "Settle down, all of you."

They turned around and saw Professor Moody at the end of the aisle of books.

"Professor…sorry." Harry sat down again.

He nodded and turned to Hermione and Ron, "The headmaster wants to see you two in his office."

Hermione protested, "Professor, the second task is only hours away and-"

"Then Potter will surely want to catch up on some sleep." He cut her off and pointed to Harry who had laid his head on a pile of books and started to take a nap.

She grumbled and then asked, "Why does he need to see us?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because!"

"BECAUSE WHY?!"

"JUST SHUT UP AND GO!"

Harry sat up in shock at the yelling, saw what was going on…and fell back asleep.

Hermione crossed her arms defiantly, "We aren't going anywhere until you tell us why."

"'Mione, maybe we should listen to him…" Ron tried to interject but no one paid attention.

He glared at her, "You will if you don't want detention for the rest of the year."

Hermione glared back at him, determined to get the last word somehow but not knowing how.

Finally she turned around and grabbed Ron and started walking away muttering, "Fine."

Then she paused, most of her weight on her back foot as if getting ready for something.

Then, she took of skipping.

"We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!" she took off down the hall, dragging Ron behind her.

"'Mione?" he was worried that she had taken leave of her sense.

Instead, she ignored him, dragged him harder so that he was jogging to keep up, and started singing even louder, "WE HEAR HE IS A WIZ OF A WIZ, IF EVER A WIZ THERE WAS!"

"HELP!" Ron cried.

"IF EVER, IF EVER A WIZ THERE WAS, THE WIZARD OF OZ IS ONE BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAAAAAUUUSE…."

"Oh please no…" Ron mumbled.

"BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE DOES!" she finished off with an off key note as they got to the office to see a stunned McGonagall, a laughing Dumbledore, a tiny girl that looked like Fleur, and Cho Chang who just looked at her as if to say 'really? Again?'

**Professor: The first chapter is done! Tell me what you think, I'm not that good at writing humor so pointers are appreciated! **


	2. Dobby is NOT Yoda in disguise

I Must Not Chapter Two

**Professor: I still own nothing….**

**By the way, I did warn that characters would be OOC so no complaints. **

Chapter Two: Dobby is NOT Yoda in disguise.

Book: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I don't exist." Harry said to his uncle.

"Right you are." He said before dismissing the boy.

Harry sighed and stifled a yawn before going up to his room. He had been up late trying to do his homework but hadn't made that much progress.

As he got to the door of his bedroom he heard a sound from inside.

"Whee! Yahoo! Ha!"

"What the…" he muttered before opening the door and walking in.

There on his bed was the strangest creature he had yet to see and that was saying something because he had seen dragons, trolls, and a two headed man.

This creature was short with a long pencil like nose and bat ears. Its eyes were wide and orb like and while there were wrinkles over its skin, it had a childlike quality to it.

"Whee!" the creature shouted as it jumped on Harry's bed.

He immediately shut the door to stop the noise from reaching his uncle.

"Who are you?"

The creature turned around in surprise, not knowing he had entered the room, "Oh…Uh…sorry sir!" it squeaked and got off the bed.

Harry walked forward slowly to the creature, not knowing what to make of it.

"Dobby my name is sir! Dobby the house elf, am I!" it said. There was something familiar about the way it was speaking but Harry couldn't figure out why…

"A house elf?" he asked.

"A live in servant, sir. Forever bound to serve one family, I am sir."

Harry narrowed his eyes, "You don't have to call me 'sir' after every sentence Dobby."

Dobby shook his head furiously, "I must sir! Only proper, it is!"

The way the house elf was talking….where had he heard it before?!

Harry shook his head and dismissed it, "So, Dobby. What are you doing here?"

Dobby started to look nervous, "C-Came to deliver a message, I did sir."

"A message for me?"

Dobby nodded.

Harry nodded in response and sat in a chair besides the bed and motioned to the second chair, "Want a seat before you tell me then?"

Dobby's eyes grew wide in shock, "A-A seat sir?! Dobby take a seat?!"

Dobby started panicking as if he had broken some horrible rule and was about to be arrested. He started screaming.

"Do-Dobby! Quiet! Please!" Harry tried to calm him down to no avail.

The house elf started wailing.

"Please Dobby! I didn't mean to upset you! Just quiet down!"

Dobby looked at him in shock, "Upset Dobby? Never! Never could Harry Potter upset Dobby!"

Harry was confused to say the least. Dobby sat in the chair and looked up at him, "Harry Potter helped people, he did, yes sir. Least of your worries is upsetting Dobby!"

"Then why did you get so upset?"

"Upset I was not. Shocked was I. Never before has a wizard asked Dobby to sit down sir!"

Harry cracked a smile and joked, "You haven't met many decent wizards then have you?"

Dobby smiled, "No, I have not."

Dobby's eyes grew wide after he said this, as if he had broken a law. He launched forward and grabbed a book and started banging his head on it; screaming 'BAD DOBBY! BAD, BAD, BAD DOBBY!"

Harry wasted no time in wrenching the book away from the house elf that he was certain had gone insane. However, Dobby just turned around and banged his head against the back of the chair. Harry dropped the book and held Dobby above the chair and out of reach of anything else so as not to hurt himself.

At once, when he was lifted in the air, Dobby stopped as if he had been brought back to his senses.

"What was that for Dobby?!" Harry almost yelled at the house elf as he sat him down when he was sure Dobby was calmed down.

"Apologize I do sir. But had to, Dobby did! Spoke ill of his family is what Dobby did sir! Very bad thing to do!"

Harry sighed and rubbed his forehead. He just wanted this house elf gone now.

"What was the message that you came to deliver Dobby?"

"Go back to Hogwarts, Harry Potter must not."

Harry stared at him in disbelief, "Not go back to Hogwarts?! I can't not go back! Hogwarts is my home!"

Dobby stood firm, "Bad things will happen if return to Hogwarts you do."

"How do you know this?"

"Tell you, I cannot."

Suddenly it clicked. The way he talked, he following strictly of rules, the knowing what will happen in the future….

"YOU"RE YODA!"


End file.
